First post here!

Title: To Say Nothing of the Mudblood
Author: alldoubtaboutit
Rating: PG for um, wizard-burning.
Characters: The Black children (Bellatrix, Andromeda, Narcissa, Sirius, Regulus) and James Potter, but mostly Sirius gen.

Summary: Mayhem! Disaster! D00m! A ten-year-old James Potter goes over to his friend Sirius Black's house to stay for the weekend. Coincidentally, Sirius' parents and uncle and aunt are watching a play on that very same night, so his cousins are at Number 12 Grimmauld Place as well.



To Say Nothing of the Mudblood

'Reggie Black was born in a bin!'

'Just like the mermaids used to sing!'

'"Sing" doesn't rhyme with "bin", silly.'

'It does!'

'Your line doesn't make sense anyway. "Mermaids used to sing?" Reggie doesn't deserve some kind of prophecy foretelling his birth.'

James was over for the weekend. He was with Sirius in the garden, hiding in the shadows of the big oak tree, and the both of them were planning for the Big Gathering that night.

The Big Gathering wasn't as big as Sirius had wanted it to be. He only had one confirmed guest thus far. He'd invited Bella but she had laughed at him, saying that she'd rather spend her time practising spells. He'd asked Andromeda, but she was reluctant. He'd asked Narcissa too, and she said that she would go if the place was bright enough. Of course it'll be bright, Sirius assured her, we're having a campfire.

*

It was evening. Reggie was sitting out front shredding dead leaves. Sirius signalled to James, and he signalled back. Sirius gave the go-ahead, and James threw the sack over Reggie. Sirius hurriedly bound him with the rope he found in the drawing room, and even though it was difficult because Reggie kept kicking and screaming, they managed to tie him up enough for him to stop wriggling. Poking him in the ribs helped too.

James tried an evil laugh. 'HAHAHA, TONIGHT, YOU SHALL BE OUR HUMAN SACRIFICE TO THE SUN-GOD RA!'

Sirius laughed along, and then he realised that he was laughing a bit too much to sound properly evil and stopped himself hurriedly. He had agreed with James that this would be entirely be a serious situation.

James picked Reggie up by the legs and Sirius by the arms, and with a great heave onto their shoulders, the two of them marched off to the garden where a campfire was merrily burning away.

*

Lighting the campfire was the hardest part. Sirius had asked to borrow Mummy's wand earlier but she'd questioned him why. In the end Sirius got Kreacher to do it. The adults were out watching a play and the cousins were here, and James was staying over for the weekend, so everything was perfect.

Chanting away, Sirius and James eventually reached the garden, and much to their surprise, they saw Andro and Cissy. Sirius didn't want to call Andro that, but Andromeda said she didn't quite care what he called her as long as she knew that you were calling her. She didn't care if her nickname sounded like a boy's name, or not like any nickname at all, just that she didn't want to be called Andy because of Andy Parkinson who ate his bogies on his seventh birthday party. So Sirius called her Andro, on James' suggestion.

Cissy had her dolls with her, and Sirius felt pleased because it meant more eyes to watch the Opening Ceremony.

Sirius and James circled the fire three times, Reggie twitching away on their shoulders, and then Sirius tried to grab Reggie by the arms, which was difficult, because he had the part covered by the sack while James got the easy part, which was Reggie's legs, and so Sirius reminded himself to get some revenge on James for this later on. James grabbed Reggie by the ankles, and they proceeded to swing him once, twice, thrice, and then they flung him into the campfire with a great whoop of exhilaration. James chanted a bit more as Sirius sprinkled dried leaves on the sack, and then they fell silent to watch. The dried leaves crackled in the fire.

*

Narcissa was the first to react. She jumped up and shrieked, and ran in circles, flapping her hands, and then she tried to pull Reggie, who was rolling about and wriggling like a caterpillar, out of the fire. The sack started to emit muffled screams, and James clapped a hand over his mouth, desperate not to be caught actually laughing.

Andromeda didn't scream though. She jumped up too, but she glared at Sirius, and roughly him and James aside to help Cissy. At that moment the sack caught fire, and Andromeda barked at Reggie, saying 'ROLL! ROLL! THE FIRE WILL GO OUT IF YOU ROLL!' and Sirius almost erupted into a fit of giggles.

Andromeda authoritatively ordered Cissy to grab a pair of scissors to cut the rope, and Cissy ran into the house, robes flying out behind her, bow in her hair untying itself in the wind.

'It's almost like giving birth, in a way,' James remarked. 'Mediwitch Andromeda and Midwife Narcissa and Mummy Regulus.'

Sirius laughed, and James laughed, and then Sirius dared James to say it out loud to Regulus.

So James did, and Andromeda stomped over to slap Sirius, who barely managed to duck in time.

Narcissa returned with the scissors, and she cut Regulus free and Regulus appeared, face black from the soot except for the parts where the tears flowed down his face, shoulders heaving, like a baby.

*

Fa flew into a rage but Mummy kept calm. It transpired that Andromeda had told on Sirius and James. Bellatrix was going up the stairs when she saw the two of them playing with the model Quidditch set.

'I hear voices,' she said in a sing-song voice. 'And these don't come from my head. They come from downstairs.' A sinister grin spread across Bella's face. 'You'd better run.'

James' eyes widened comically, and Sirius would have laughed if he weren't about to meet his end.

*

The door flew open and Fa stormed into the bedroom, face red not from the port but from anger. Sirius saw Bellatrix smirking at him from the doorway, but at least it wasn't Andromeda.

'YOU!!!!' Fa boomed. 'YOU DARE CALL YOURSELF A BLACK? BLACKS, AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED, DO NOT STOOP SO LOW AS TO BURN A FELLOW WIZARD, MUCH LESS A KINSMAN. DO YOU REMEMBER WHAT HAPPENED DURING THE WITCH-BURNINGS IN THE SIXTEENTH CENTURY? OR HAVE YOU FORGOTTEN YOUR HERITAGE?'

Fa looked like he was about to hit him, so Sirius ran, out of his bedroom and downstairs to where his mummy was, because at least Mummy would make sure he were alive after everything.

*

Mummy was writing a letter to Mr and Mrs Potter. Fa stormed into the room, and Sirius moved closer to his mummy, who didn't do anything when Fa picked Sirius up, placed him over the arm of the armchair and smacked him on the bottom ten times.

James watched the whole while. It wouldn't have mattered if he didn't watch. But now that he'd witness the whole scene Sirius knew James would lord it over him to no end.

When Father was done, he was breathing heavily and Mother said to him in a very calm tone, 'Don't push yourself too much, you're not young anymore.'

*

Sirius went downstairs to get a drink of water. After that, he decided he would speak to James to put him in his place.

On his way down he saw Regulus. Narcissa had offered him her dolls to play with, and he said to Regulus, 'You had better watch out. Playing with dolls makes you a poofter.'

'I'm not a poofter!' Regulus protested.

'Yes you are. You weren't born into this house either. You thought that Fa walloped me for throwing you into the fire? Well, you're wrong. Fa walloped me because I was behaving in a manner unfit for purebloods. He probably doesn't care one bit about you. He probably picked you up from a rubbish bin. For all I know, you could have been a mudblood. You probably are a mudblood. It explains why you're such a complete, utter failure in everything you do. Ha ha.'

Regulus burst into tears, and from somewhere behind him, Andromeda said, 'You had better watch your tongue, Sirius Black. That's no way to speak to your brother.'

'I don't think you have any right to tell me what or what not to do, Andromeda. As you, and everyone else, can clearly see, I, Sirius Black, am the heir to the House of Black. Not you. Not Bellatrix. Not Regulus. Not anyone but me.'

Andromeda didn't say anything after that, and Sirius smugly congratulated himself for making such a cutting comeback.

*

At night, as James got into the adjacent bed, Sirius reminded him that he would most definitely get a beating from his parents as well, so he need not gloat in his face.

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